I've finally had time to sit and write properly this afternoon and this is what I came up with. You may find it a little strange, I'm not going to lie. I mean, why would I? It's not like I murdered anyone, is it? I don't know, you tell me, you're the one accusing me of fraud!
Ohhhh you make your own judgements. That's what you like best isn't it? You bunch of hypocrites!
“Legs seem to have a way of catching up with you. Whether you’re flying coach or club, you can guarantee they’ll be there, documenting your ever move. In looking at this case, we have to remember the facts.”
“It wasn’t like I was hoping for a bad time. And I didn’t know she was allergic to parrots. That kind of thing doesn’t tend to come up in conversation with casual acquaintances. We danced regardless of it all though, until the point of her collapse.”
“When a person looks at you like that, it’s not easy to look away. The eye is a powerful tool, and hers was salted with assaults, both given and received. Someone cracked one open once and a children’s TV character came out. His catchphrase was, ‘Where’s my dignity?’”
“A secretary’s primary function is to keep secrets. Second to that is the practice of eating biscuits and third is passive aggressive deer stalking. She was proficient in all of these areas. I never understood why she didn’t become a secretary.”
“We have a duty to inform the world of our favourite type of shoe, as well as our preferred method of dealing with carpal tunnel syndrome. When paraesthesia sets in, there’s nothing left to do but make like our ancestors and sew our way out of the situation.”
“In my honest opinion, I would say the meringues were undercooked. The party was ruined. People don’t like raw egg whites any more than they like raw emotion, so why didn’t she ensure that the meringues were cooked right through?”