Monday, 2 August 2010

Making Life-Sized Models of The Velvet Underground in Plaid

When I go to the shop; when I break, for the hundredth time this week, my vow not to eat a sackful of sweet treats; when I purchase a bar of Dairy Milk Fruit & Nut because I haven't had one in many a year, do you know what I expect? I expect more than ONE nut. And I do not think that this is unreasonable.

True, the name of the chocolate bar is Fruit and Nut, singular. However in the brief description on the back of the packaging it clearly states, "Milk chocolate with raisins and almonds." Almond*s*, plural. As in, more than ONE.
Really, Cadbury ought to have written something along these lines:

"Lots and lots of raisins, a drizzle of over-priced chocolate and a single ancient, crumbly nut."

That description gives away pretty much everything I need to know and allows me to make an informed decision on whether or not I really do want to spend more than fifty pence on a glorified packet of dried fruit.

Fair enough, this bar of chocolate no doubt slipped around the factory, going from one conveyor belt to the next with little or no human input before being wrapped, packed and shipped out around the country. But seriously, ONE nut?! JEEZ-O! It didn't even taste like a real nut! Get your act together CADBURY, why don't you? Hey, why don't you do the whole friggin' country a favour and EMPLOY someone to watch my friggin' chocolate bar to make sure I get more than one friggin' nut? It's not like Kraft can't afford it, with their squeezy cheeses and tinned meals! Just stop being s'damn greedy CEOs, SEOs and whatever other EOs it is that're hoarding all the dosh! Oh, and Simon Cowell, can't forget about that insanely selfish, narcissistic abomination dominating the entire Western sonuvagun world!


Everything is ruined again. Thanks Cadbury. Thank you VERY much :/

"Still, it's a choice and I choose to rage."