Sunday, 26 June 2011

Spoiler Alert

I'm going to write a movie review today. Mostly because I don't have any really exciting news to share. Also because I really enjoyed watching I've Loved You So Long. So I'll be reviewing X-Men: First Class.

I'd been looking forward to this film for some time. If I hadn't given it away already, I'm a bit of a geekhole. I didn't read the comics though; I'm not that much of a loser. But it had what looked like an excellent cast and a good premise. So I paid my EIGHT POUNDS at the Odeon on Holloway Road - lucky it was two for one Wednesday or Best Beloved would have had to sell a kidney to get us in. I shan't rant about extortionate prices, however I am in the middle of compiling a witty, scathing letter to the Prime Minister questioning his pillaging ways; maybe I'll blog it one day. Anyway, in we went to the worst cinema ever and took our seats.

The film begins with two flash back scenes, one of which is pretty sad and harrowing, the other starring Beth Goddard as a young Charles Xavier's mother. Any of you that know me know that I hate Beth Goddard because she killed Polly a few weeks ago in Casualty. Thankfully it was just a baby mutant posing as her so we didn't have to put up with her for more than a minute. Here a friendship is forged betwixt Charles and Raven, who will OBVIOUSLY become Mystique. So too we see the evil Nazi, Kevin Bacons, torturing a young Erik Lensherr, forcing him to express the power he holds over metal. Those Nazis, eh? Seem to be at the root of all evil.

We then head forward a few years to the 1960s. Basically, the Russians are prepping for nuclear war against the Americans, so it's pretty lucky that a wily CIA agent discovers the existence of mutants and persuades Charles Xavier to help stop the madness, the MADNESS! Kevin Bacons is also back, being evil, encouraging the nuclear war with his merry troop of angry mutants.

By the end, Erik has exacted revenge and killed Mr Bacons and the goodies have diffused nuclear war. Yaaay! But WAIT! Now Erik has become a crazed killer, certain that humans are going to destroy the mutant race. He uses his powers to try and kill the wily CIA agent who reaches for her gun and shoots at him. No, you fool! He controls metal! Haven't you been watching the film?! Magneto deflects the bullets and one of them lodges itself in Charles' spin. Thus he can't walk and needs his iconic wheel chair.

There are some really excellent performances in this film...NOT even just saying that or anything. James McAvoy does a great job as Professor X, turning from smarmy Oxford don to the wise leader of his weirdo followers with very little effort. He is a good actor. Especially when compared with Daniel Radcliffe for example.

Then there's Nicholas Hoult, who seems to have gained control over his eyebrows and does a great American accent. It didn't sound fake AT ALL. Well done Nicholas Hoult; your character was my favourite because your power made you quite cute. In a teddy bear kind of way rather than a good looking way. Although I DO find you strangely attractive.

Jennifer did irritate me a bit, but you were still good. Your storyline was sad and I hated Charles for being mean to you. I could probably hang out with your, so long as you promise not to mutant up into Beth Goddard ever again.

Jumping on the bandwagon I'm pronouncing Michael Fassbender as the show steal; OBVIOUSLY. There's one scene between Charles and Erik that put a giant lump in my throat. They were very good at doing wet eyes together. And it was nice to see Magneto's softer, though more masculine side; Ian Mckellen camping it up, though charming, wasn't quite menacing enough. Oh just to mother this young Magneto; take up in my arms and stroke his much-stubbled face!

There was a great support cast also. Well, except Beth Goddard and also the girl who played Angel...there's a lesson for you young X-Men: Never trust a sexy dancer :/ Yes, X-Men: First Class, you receive my seal of approval, which is really all that counts, right?

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Nubbin of Joy

Today, a self-portrait:

As you can see, I am dancing with a large YES. That's because there's a lot to be YES about this least in my small, strange segment of this planet we call "world".


Next: I have been shortlisted for a poetry prize. Yay-o-Rama or what?! So now all I have to do is murder the other eleven people vying for first place and I will be the winner! And also in jail, which really worked for Oscar Wilde, so maybe not such a bad thing? I'll keep you posted.

C: Some people (most people) probably don't know that I'm moving to Edinburger in September to do my masters in creative writing. Yes, I know, it seems as though I treat this quaint vernacular as a bit of a lark, but I do actually take it very seriously and want to be a proper writer with a little ink stain on my middle finger, so that when Professor Bhaer bowls me over in the streets of New York and takes me back to his room to dry out my soaked manuscript, he will instantly know that I am a writer and we'll fall magically in love!

...anyway...yesterday I got an email to say that the university wanted to give me a scholarship award - wholly unexpected! And you know, not to be big-headed, but they kind of indicated that it's because I have an amazing ass. Well there you go kids: work hard in school and you can have a perfect rear just like me! So *big* word up to William Sharp, my homeboy benefactor.

Hmm, now that I've shared all my good news, I feel like I've broken a year long tradition of moaning about pretty much everything...Oh, wait! I AM annoyed about something! I have an inexplicable bruise on my right knee.

Peace and love everybody, peace and love.

Thursday, 2 June 2011

How're you feelin'?


Just enough time to write a quick blog while my anti-death drugs kick in and I can eat lunch. Know what I'm having for lunch? A death baguette. That way I know the pills are working :) Here's a photograph of one of the anti-death pills:

As you can see, it's pretty fearsome, what with its sassy slogan and multifaceted means of attack.

Anyway, while it's working its magic, I thought I'd shared some of the things I hate with you. Here goes!

1) People who call sex "nooky"
2) People who spell the word "nooky" N U K I
3) The name Pareece
4) Being too hot
5) The way The Simpsons is all like, "Hey, Family Guy stole our idea and now do it one hunderd times better than we do, so instead of backing down we're going to make a load of risqué jokes about race and sexuality that really don't fit with our tired old characters just to try and keep up with the Griffinses."
6) Olives

And that's about it for today. Sorry there weren't more pictures. Oh wait, here's one:

It is a hole puncher. For documents.