Good evening, this is the news.
Just like everybody else in Britain, I recently went to see the latest James Bond biopic, Skyfall. If you haven't heard of James Bond, he's a very old schizophrenic who is quite good at shooting henchmen, but very bad at shooting masterminds, which isn't very helpful because masterminds are constantly trying to ruin his life.
His latest personality has manifested itself as a man called Daniel Craig. His blue eyes are sharp enough to piece right through your soul, so be careful when he looks at you. The photograph below illustrates his stunning good looks.
The film also stars Dame Judi Dench. As everyone knows, Dame Judi Dench, along with Dame Maggie Smith and Dame Julie Andrews, is the best bit of cream offered by a crop of corn when it comes to acting, which means she is out of this world because there is no cream in a crop of corn - at least not on this planet. Here she is being photographed on the red carpet, as usual.
The main plot of the film centres around Daniel Craig trying to find out why Adele wrote a song called Skyfall. I think what Adele meant to write was a song called Piefall, because she is a Londoner and Londoners bloody love pie and mash and jellied eels, NOT because she's fat, which is what you all expected me to say. Tut.
I really enjoyed this film for a number of reasons. You'll find them all out when you go and see it. I give it 9 Michael Caines out of 8 Ray Winstons.